Sex! Off the menu


Well, that’s it. It’s official. My wife has confirmed she no longer wants to have sex with me. I have to say, it hasn't come as a shock.

Seeing that we hadn't had sex for almost a year, I just assumed this was the case, but I had no idea it needed to become official.

I remember vividly the last time we had sex like it was just, well ……a year ago!

I have never penetrated any inflatable bedroom accessory such as a latex ‘Lucy Luscious Lips’, or any other blow up apparatus, but I imagine it would feel peculiarly similar to the detached feeling of our last sexual coming together.

Clearly, we were both utterly intoxicated with lashings of red wine and had both assumed we were in a different place with a fantasy alternative to each other. 

I pretended she was the human incarnation of Lucy Luscious Lips and no doubt, she pretended I was a living, breathing Louis Vuitton accessory of some description.

We stumbled into our house and dismissed the babysitter without haste. I opened some Champagne from the fridge and we drank and laughed like we had no recollection of the loathing we had of each other’s sober personalities.

I hadn't had a ‘five knuckle shuffle’ for weeks and her rampant rabbit batteries had leaked a few months earlier, so we pursued our unfamiliar frolics driven by the energy of inebriation and sexual starvation.

I fumbled with the zip to her dress and she responded by poking me in the eye with her index finger, in an accidental but automated reaction to me touching her affectionately.

The rest is history. I've had better.

8 comments:

  1. Anonymous11:22

    Sounds like my wife!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous23:42

    I don't even know the way I finished up right here, but I assumed this publish was once great. I don't recognize who you might be however
    certainly you're going to a well-known blogger in case you aren't already.
    Cheers!

    my web page ... click the up coming internet site

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous06:11

    Ahaa, itѕ nice discussion on the tοpic of this рiece
    οf wгiting here at this webpagе,
    I have read аll that, ѕo now mе also
    сommenting at thiѕ place.

    Here is my web-site - Chemietoilette
    Also see my web site - Chemietoilette

    ReplyDelete
  4. Anonymous03:49

    Hi there, I discovеred your wеbsite ѵіа Googlе whilst ѕeaгсhing for a similar matter,
    youг site got here up, it аppeаrѕ
    goοd. I have bookmaгked it іn mу google booκmarκs.

    Hello there, sіmply beсоme awаге оf your weblog thгu Google, and found that
    it is truly іnformative. I am goіng to watch out for bruѕsels.
    I'll be grateful if you proceed this in future. Many other folks might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    My page; chemietoilette

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous03:49

    Hi thеre, I diѕсovered уour webѕite νia Google whilst ѕеaгching for a similar matter,
    youг ѕite got here up, іt apρeaгs goοd.
    Ӏ have boοκmaгked it
    in my googlе bookmaгκѕ.
    Hello there, ѕimply become aware of your ωеblοg thru Google, and found that it is truly informаtiνe.
    I аm going to wаtсh out for bruѕѕels.
    Ӏ'll be grateful if you proceed this in future. Many other folks might be benefited out of your writing. Cheers!

    My web blog ... chemietoilette
    My webpage :: wlbl.twowar.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. Anonymous10:05

    Is this real or fiction? If it's real then you have some issues!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous01:00

    I am гegular гeаdeг, hоw агe yοu eveгybody?
    This article poѕted at this webѕite is truly good.

    Full Piece of writing
    Also see my website - Full Piece of writing

    ReplyDelete
  8. Anonymous11:26

    Right away I am going to do my breakfast, later than having my breakfast coming again to read further news.


    my page new favorite in bathroom floors

    ReplyDelete