It turned out that there is an underground of closet gays masquerading as happily married men, usually with two children, living in a three bed semi in Woking who are constantly thinking about having an affair with Derek the retired Dentist two doors down. To make matters worse, if I didn’t know that I was gay, then it will be thrust upon me-literally-having hit the midlife crisis phase.
Now, I don’t think I’m gay, but having read a particular article, I'm concerned. It's suggesting I may only find out my true sexuality by chance, when I’m in my 40s and bump into a tanned, carefree and welcoming hunk called Bruce in the lift at Selfridges. I have to take this seriously, if only to stock up on Vaseline.
A midlife crisis can apparently be a catalyst for gay feelings to emerge from, and one day soon I may wake up, look at my wife and wish she was Freddie Mercury. I may also be tempted to wear her clothes and walk around the house dusting everything merrily with the Sound of Music soundtrack on CD in the background. I know I’m stereotyping, but I can’t see it, but then maybe that’s the problem, it sneaks up on you from behind.A friend of mine had a similar crisis with Porn. Having spent his entire youth trying desperately to find old hardcore porn magazines in the bushes of public places and then discovering the Internet - a hub of hardcore porn 'pop up' activity that jumps out at you without warning while searching innocently for topics on Bush Tucker - he defected to soft porn. I mean soft porn, what is the point!
He was once an alpha male with a highly prized 'Ben Dover' collection but he's now resigned to being turned on by two almost fully clothed girls stroking and petting each other in a bubble bath. Disgusting!
I’m not homophobic, but in conclusion, having subjected myself to some improper images of American motorcycle cops from the 70s and hours of intense listening to the village people and Jimmy Somerville, I think I may have got away with it.
5 comments:
hahaha very funny! you may well be gay then. hope you like my blog
www.itstimetorise.blogspot.com
lmao, figgered it out yet?
Yeah! I'm about as gay as a British Bulldog on heat.
I had a similar expierience... There was this guy in my town a couple of years ago, who after about 15 years of marriage, to a sexy blonde bird, decided he was going to leave her and his kids for a man! I was quite young at the time and this freaked me out.. 'What if I get to 35 and decide Im gay?'
But now Im a bit older I can safely say "I love the pussy too much" ...... yayyyyyyy!!!!
Hi... I was in this kind of relationship. Married for 23 years, 3 children, but in reality I knew I was gay. I was from the era where you were expected to get married, and be a "good man". After living this lie for over 40 years, and driving myself crazy, I just came out. It cost me in a divorce, loosing just about everything I had, plus people who were my "friend" until I came out. Am I gald I did it....... YES! I live as I have always felt, "a gay man". I've found a mate, we both live extremely happy together.
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