My wife has recently joined the gym. It’s another perfect endorsement that she is up to no good. After all, she’s been letting herself go for years.
Why join now I ask myself. Is it a sudden passion for flippantly exposing her body and having one final flirt with her aging sexuality? After all, is it not true that the female sex drive really kicks off in the forties? Well, I’m not seeing any of it. Now strangely, one of my good pals is also considering admitting himself to his local gym. We had lunch and he explained all.
ManBoobs! I’d never noticed them before but he assured me he had them. Apparently, they appeared a few months ago during a midnight thunderstorm. He was awoken by a loud clap of thunder and decided to get up for a pee. While relieving his bladder he looked down to see if he could make out his dick over his potbelly and inadvertently shot gunned the entire en-suite with a golden shower, as he realized he was turning into a middle-aged bearded woman.
He says, they have grown steadily ever since and he’s starting to feel like a pubescent schoolgirl experiencing a hormonal change into womanhood. He is not happy.
After lunch and a long, awkward but entertaining conversation about how they looked and whether he should go strapless or under-wired, he invited me to have a peek for myself. Now, he is an old and valued friend but I was not exactly impressed about ogling the fleshy flab first hand. A description was more than acceptable.
Unfortunately, he insisted. Having become reclusive and self-conscious, he pleaded for my opinion. I reluctantly agreed. Given our whereabouts, I grudgingly decided that a convenient place for the examination would be in the men’s toilets, but under no circumstances would I enter a cubicle with him unless the Police evacuated the entire vicinity.
Looking like a couple of dirty old men, we checked out the pub toilets and squeezed eagerly into a cubicle. It wasn’t even funny. Upon locking the door behind us I started to come over hot and flushed and wanted to cry out rape, but I calmed myself down and he undid his shirt.
They were indeed a fine pair, milky white and proud. Being starved by my wife of any kind of sexual contact for so long, I was half tempted to cup them up and kiss them but decided against it.
Mr. Danzers,
ReplyDeleteI've just spent the best hangover day ever reading through your postings. Despite my bodies clear intent to make me suffer for assuming that one more tequila slammer wouldn't hurt last night, I've had a huge smile on my face for most of the afternoon. Though one outburst of laughter did culminate in my having to 'talk to God' ;o)
Hang in there petal. I look forward to reading more.
Xb
Like it Danzers...it's all about you and the missus but this was an amusing aside.
ReplyDeleteplentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com
Thanks XenaB2. Glad you are enjoying it. Will check yours out.
ReplyDeleteAnd thanks Plenty of fish for promoting my site. Good man. Shall do the same.
I am considering starting a business. The first bra for man-boobs.
ReplyDeletePoor guy. Funny story.
ReplyDeleteLol I loved this one! The description of you and your mate in the stall together was priceless!!
ReplyDelete--Konnor
Definetly a great laugh. You are a good mate.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you stopped short of kissing them that's all I can say!!!
ReplyDeleteNot sure I'd be as brave as yourself to go into a cubicle with another fella mind!
Another fantastic blog!
Danzers - love it! Thanks for the laugh
ReplyDeleteKate x
Really good blog. I am nearly 40, (next January), and underr intense pressure from a girl to marry her - your blog reminds me why I stayed single for so long - keep up the good work.
ReplyDeleteBy the way, if your talking real mid-life crisis, I know a Scandinavian hedge fund manager whose wife topped herself and he just gave it all up, brought a fairly impressive, fuck off yacht and now just sails around he world having fun. Women will never understand why men do that kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteToni. You have given me a GREAT idea. Thanks.
ReplyDeleteDanzers, eww, manboobs! Your post was both too funny, and too disturbing!
ReplyDeleteToni, marry the girl, or cut her loose. If she wants to be married, she's not going to change her mind about it. If you don't want to be, get out!
The worst thing you can do is let yourself be roped into marriage when you're not ready -- then you'll both be miserable!
I read somewhere that drinking too much coffee causes mamboobs and drinking 2 pots a day I think there is a litle truth to that, but i think in time the little truth may become bigger. I just started drinking 3 pots now. And After reading you and friend crambed in a stall as your picture him in a flowered dress, well I think 4 pots is better because I fear the nightmares will effect me dramatically, but if I drink 5 pots of coffee and my manboobs get begger, umm brb I should stop typing and refill my cup
ReplyDeleteHi,
ReplyDeleteThat was really funny. But I think there is a lit bit of message hiding in this blog. We should realize this thing before it is over.Nice article and thanks for sharing your thoughts.
If he really does hit the gym, he might decide after a few weeks that wearing the flowered frock would be way less work. Be sure to tell him to please not run in public shirtless. For some reason, the bigger the man boobs the more likely the man is to exercise shirtless, and sadly the buff guys rarely go shirtless. Oh well, such is life.
ReplyDeleteI love it, I love it, I love it!!! Keep 'em coming.
ReplyDeleteROFL.. tat was hilarious..
ReplyDeleteHow do I follow your blog? would like to come back later to read older posts too.
Cheers*
I remember a male colleague who often gets to called Ma'am! He doesn't cross dress or whatsoever but he wears big tshirt. When he goes to groceries and pay up, they call him Ma'am and the cashier just grin after hearing his manly voice! His manboobs are becoming obvious!
ReplyDeletehaha very funny
ReplyDeleteThat's not some way to talk about your wife, mate. Think about what she has to put up with you.
ReplyDeleteI will like to share my testimony to you all. I just got married to my husband about a year ago we start having problems at home like we stop sleeping on the same bed, fighting about little things he always comes home late at night, drinking too much and sleeping with other women out side. I have never loved any man in my life except him, he's the father of my children and I don't want to loose him because we have worked so hard together to become what we are and what we have today. Few month ago he now decided to leave me and the kid, being a single mother can be hard sometimes and so I have nobody to turn to and I was heart broken. I called my mom and explain every thing to her, my mother told me about Baba Ogunjobi Taiwo and how he helped her solve the problem between her and my dad I was surprise about it because they have been without each other for three and a half years and it was like a miracle how they came back to each other. I was directed to Baba Ogunjobi Taiwo and explain everything to him, so he promise me not to worry that he will cast a spell and make things come back to how we where so much in love before and that it was another female spirit that was controlling my husband. He told me that my problem will be solved within two days if I believe. So he cast a spell for me and after two days my love came back asking me to forgive him. I Am so happy now, so that why I decided to share my experience with every body that have such problem contact him email. Ouidah.temple@gmail.com or call him on his number +1 (940) 433 1126.
ReplyDelete1. GETTING YOUR EX LOVER BACK.
2. WINNING LOTTERIES.
3. CHILD BEARING.
4. BREAKING OF GENERATION COURSE.
5. GETTING OF JOB.
6. JOB PROMOTION.
7. MONEY SPELL.
8. SPIRITUAL PROTECTION.
9. HERBAL CARE.
10. BEAUTY SPELL.