The 'ManBoobs' incident!

My wife has recently joined the gym. It’s another perfect endorsement that she is up to no good. After all, she’s been letting herself go for years.

Why join now I ask myself. Is it a sudden passion for flippantly exposing her body and having one final flirt with her aging sexuality? After all, is it not true that the female sex drive really kicks off in the forties? Well, I’m not seeing any of it.  Now strangely, one of my good pals is also considering admitting himself to his local gym. We had lunch and he explained all.

ManBoobs! I’d never noticed them before but he assured me he had them. Apparently, they appeared a few months ago during a midnight thunderstorm. He was awoken by a loud clap of thunder and decided to get up for a pee. While relieving his bladder he looked down to see if he could make out his dick over his potbelly and inadvertently shot gunned the entire en-suite with a golden shower, as he realized he was turning into a middle-aged bearded woman.

He says, they have grown steadily ever since and he’s starting to feel like a pubescent schoolgirl experiencing a hormonal change into womanhood. He is not happy.

After lunch and a long, awkward but entertaining conversation about how they looked and whether he should go strapless or under-wired, he invited me to have a peek for myself. Now, he is an old and valued friend but I was not exactly impressed about ogling the fleshy flab first hand. A description was more than acceptable.

Unfortunately, he insisted. Having become reclusive and self-conscious, he pleaded for my opinion. I reluctantly agreed. Given our whereabouts, I grudgingly decided that a convenient place for the examination would be in the men’s toilets, but under no circumstances would I enter a cubicle with him unless the Police evacuated the entire vicinity.

Looking like a couple of dirty old men, we checked out the pub toilets and squeezed eagerly into a cubicle. It wasn’t even funny. Upon locking the door behind us I started to come over hot and flushed and wanted to cry out rape, but I calmed myself down and he undid his shirt.

They were indeed a fine pair, milky white and proud. Being starved by my wife of any kind of sexual contact for so long, I was half tempted to cup them up and kiss them but decided against it.

I agreed completely that he should join the gym ASAP or start to dress in a tulip flowered frock every Tuesday and Friday

21 comments:

  1. Mr. Danzers,

    I've just spent the best hangover day ever reading through your postings. Despite my bodies clear intent to make me suffer for assuming that one more tequila slammer wouldn't hurt last night, I've had a huge smile on my face for most of the afternoon. Though one outburst of laughter did culminate in my having to 'talk to God' ;o)

    Hang in there petal. I look forward to reading more.

    Xb

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  2. Like it Danzers...it's all about you and the missus but this was an amusing aside.
    plentymorefishoutofwater.blogspot.com

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  3. Thanks XenaB2. Glad you are enjoying it. Will check yours out.

    And thanks Plenty of fish for promoting my site. Good man. Shall do the same.

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  4. I am considering starting a business. The first bra for man-boobs.

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  5. Poor guy. Funny story.

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  6. Lol I loved this one! The description of you and your mate in the stall together was priceless!!

    --Konnor

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  7. Definetly a great laugh. You are a good mate.

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  8. I'm glad you stopped short of kissing them that's all I can say!!!

    Not sure I'd be as brave as yourself to go into a cubicle with another fella mind!

    Another fantastic blog!

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  9. Danzers - love it! Thanks for the laugh

    Kate x

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  10. Toni13:32

    Really good blog. I am nearly 40, (next January), and underr intense pressure from a girl to marry her - your blog reminds me why I stayed single for so long - keep up the good work.

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  11. Toni13:36

    By the way, if your talking real mid-life crisis, I know a Scandinavian hedge fund manager whose wife topped herself and he just gave it all up, brought a fairly impressive, fuck off yacht and now just sails around he world having fun. Women will never understand why men do that kind of thing.

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  12. Toni. You have given me a GREAT idea. Thanks.

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  13. Danzers, eww, manboobs! Your post was both too funny, and too disturbing!

    Toni, marry the girl, or cut her loose. If she wants to be married, she's not going to change her mind about it. If you don't want to be, get out!

    The worst thing you can do is let yourself be roped into marriage when you're not ready -- then you'll both be miserable!

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  14. I read somewhere that drinking too much coffee causes mamboobs and drinking 2 pots a day I think there is a litle truth to that, but i think in time the little truth may become bigger. I just started drinking 3 pots now. And After reading you and friend crambed in a stall as your picture him in a flowered dress, well I think 4 pots is better because I fear the nightmares will effect me dramatically, but if I drink 5 pots of coffee and my manboobs get begger, umm brb I should stop typing and refill my cup

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  15. Hi,
    That was really funny. But I think there is a lit bit of message hiding in this blog. We should realize this thing before it is over.Nice article and thanks for sharing your thoughts.

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  16. If he really does hit the gym, he might decide after a few weeks that wearing the flowered frock would be way less work. Be sure to tell him to please not run in public shirtless. For some reason, the bigger the man boobs the more likely the man is to exercise shirtless, and sadly the buff guys rarely go shirtless. Oh well, such is life.

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  17. I love it, I love it, I love it!!! Keep 'em coming.

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  18. ROFL.. tat was hilarious..

    How do I follow your blog? would like to come back later to read older posts too.

    Cheers*

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  19. I remember a male colleague who often gets to called Ma'am! He doesn't cross dress or whatsoever but he wears big tshirt. When he goes to groceries and pay up, they call him Ma'am and the cashier just grin after hearing his manly voice! His manboobs are becoming obvious!

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  20. That's not some way to talk about your wife, mate. Think about what she has to put up with you.

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